I want to have your abortion
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
