More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
