I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
