New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
