I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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