Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
