Do you still have your period?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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