Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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