I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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