I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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