She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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