I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Your penis caused this!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
