Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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