you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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