She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
