what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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