My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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