dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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