Will you blow on my dice?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
