I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize