dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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