party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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