I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize