So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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