we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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