all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Bring me that man meat
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
