We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
