I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
