I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
