Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
