just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
