God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
