I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize