I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
