he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
