This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We need a shit load of segways right now
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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