Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
