I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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