Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you have to choose: penises or morals?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
