I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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