I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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