you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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