i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
