too bad you live with your parents still
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
