i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
there is glitter all over my balls
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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