I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
