Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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