Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
