Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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