Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize