I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
