Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
