I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
