@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
