Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
