Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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