I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
