If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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