he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
