New invention idea: vibrating tampons
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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