i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize