i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
