my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
