Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How external is "for external use only"?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
