Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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