YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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